Things are crystal clear but STILL mind refuses to accept

Are things really the same what they appear like? Was the decision taken in impulse really wrong? Things have been really very confusing in the past few months and have made me ponder whether what i see is real or there is something behind this, some reason. I met few people some months back, tagged them as my friends and thought that they would always stand by me, but somehow things did not turn out that way.Among those clubbed as "NICE" friends, one was a special friend. Every moment and minute spent was more like a dream and i cherish it all. But was he really what he portrayed himself to be or i was wrong in judging the person in the first place? I always thought he is  a real gem of a person and in fact somewhere deep down in my heart, still feel. But all these feelings lack justification. What i think and what appears in reality is not the same. Is that person really genuine or i am too blind?? Wish somebody, in fact the person himself cleared it all in simple words without creating any euphemisms.  


They were wrong, in fact they are wrong in all their approaches, they in a way have betrayed but still why can't i forget it all and shift delete them from my life? Why do i think about them all the time? WHY??? Each person part of my present says you were never their friend but it was simply that they who were your friends. To ensure the same, they even got proof but still why can't i accept this line? Why don't i feel that they are a selfish lot of people and will not even stand for each other in the times of need? Why? I know am being probably too blind.


Every voice around me disturbs my thought process and actually haunts. I have become numb since that day on and have been trying really very hard to recoup. I hate to see myself like this, i hate to see a tear drop in my eyes every night, i hate this dead 'ME'... i HATE it all. My mind questions me each time "Are they really worth these precious drops? " Later self answering this question "No, they are not", pat me down to sleep.  God just one request, please help me solve this puzzle ASAP as i can't live with it anymore. These things are making me ruin every damm relation and every dam thing. HELP!

A big "NO" to Virtual world or to be specific, "Facebook"

Ask any person you meet, "Do you own an account in facebook?" the answer that 98% of individuals would give is "Yes, of course". Well to be true even i was in these 98% crowd few months back but suddenly realized that "facebook" takes away a lot of my time which perhaps i can use for better and more productive work. The sooner the realization dawned, i took a step and went ahead to deactivate my account from "Facebook. These social media networking sites are good but only until it becomes an addiction. I remember sitting near the system, logging onto my facebook account, each time promising myself 10 mins of facebooking and then back to work but as expected this never happened and that 10 mins always prolonged into hours. Sheer waste of time... 


I am an outgoing person and love to gel with people, party hard but again all this does not mean being a part of this virtual world is that necessary. There are few people for whom would say virtual world is life and they put up their entire personal life on facebook, waiting for people to respond on the same, like the status, comment, etc etc. Whats the use of it all?? Fine one thing that is acceptable is you feel good that a mass of people like what  you think. But is this sufficient???? Its all again virtual not real appreciation. Hunt for those real appreciators and live more in the real world than virtual.  

Scribbles: An insight into my diary

It is afternoon, 2:30 pm and I have been staring hard at my books, trying to grasp every read concept which now seemed new. There are many things that are hitting my head simultaneously and along with a little reading i have been trying to resolve each issue simultaneously. Concentration is what i lack, especially when i try to focus hard on studies. Anyways suddenly while turning back the pages of my book i got stuck with one page which comprised of few scribbles of those beautiful days when life was at prime and happiness swayed all the time. I have this habit of writing every beautiful experience of my life in a small diary or a small piece of paper or on the surface of my study table.  The scribbles comprised some names that are not even the part of my life now or probably i am not a part of their life. I couldn't help but to stop studying and recalling the past.

Here are the exact scribbles:
July 16, 2010: "Tea Shop Masti... ", Neha, Sunny, Ronald and me.. evening time, beautiful weather..cup of coffee, movie Houseful.. this was a practice now every time we stayed back at Neha's place, weather turned good, the breeze was chilling and we couldn't help moving out to chill out in that lovely weather. I was sitting idle when Ronald called in, " What you doin?" as usual my reply was "nothing". I don't know what is with me i can't deny this guy. But anyhow, we planned and moved to Neha's place and decided to watch a movie, "Houseful". Haha.. what a movie it was " Panauti".. the most catchy word there.. n Akshay kumar.. wow... laughter, laugter and only laughter... wish the night never ended and time took a halt. But as everything comes to an end, so did that laughter hour. After coming back from the movie we played cards, boozed, had another round of fun and went off to sleep. What a time it was.. luv luv luvvvvvvvvvvv..........:)))))

These days were fun and every moment then was "Perfect".. I don't want to move back in time but only can't help remembering the people who once called me their "mine".  

Time to stay in reclusion...

"When mind stops guiding you and heart stops smiling everyday in  the morning" its time to switch to a life in recluse. Of late things have taken so much toll on my mind that i feel like a lunatic helpless person who is not able to justify his own acts. I say something i do something, i want something i get something... in short i have lost the reins of life. Every act of mine is random and not at all in sink with the situation. Here i don't myself know "what i actually want from my life? What???" Magic is all i want.

I am sure i am not the only one who faces such a situation in life, every one at least once in their lifetime faces such situations. If you have not come across any such situation then i would only say that "you are lucky, touchwood". Such situations are more of like being in midst of a battlefield without arms. But i guess the person who wins the battle even without arms is a REAL hero and i really want to be this real hero in my own eyes. But when and how i do this is a big question??? if i win this battle will surely update my special tips for all those who ever get stuck with such situations in life..